I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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