I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
