he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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