dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
