so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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