I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need to align my fucking chakras
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