guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
