I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
