Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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