We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
