we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
