So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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