this just has baby written all over it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
