I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
