that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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