one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she looked like the before picture.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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