Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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