I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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