you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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