Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
