Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
