I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
