Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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