Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
