No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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