just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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