She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
