MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
