i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
