Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
