What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
