saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
