remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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