Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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