somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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