never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
