According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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