Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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