its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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