there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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