I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I didn't notice because vodka
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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