with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
