I cockslap morals
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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