I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
