My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
