That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
