Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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