at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
