She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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