for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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