dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize