She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
