We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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