And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize