He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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