i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
