I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
