apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
