Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
