I just cut my nipple shaving
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
