dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
