Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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