i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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