we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
