Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
