an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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