take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love having hate sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
